Some belated thoughts about procrastination

There is power in "I'll do it tomorrow". It implies a future that you can't truly be certain of but like a charm, a divine enchantment, the thing which you have put off and put off and set aside for the tomorrow that may never come; it guarantees that tomorrow will arrive along with the heinous, brain numbing chore or dreaded interaction that you put off and put off and put off. After all, irony likes a punchline.

But this only works for the negative; the chores, reprimands, unresolved anger, undealt with problems. The elephants in the room that you don't even talk about because you so don't want to think about them, let alone do them. It never works for Disneyland.

"We'll go tomorrow," is a curse waiting to happen when it's something good. Don't delay, don't say it for if you do, an alarm will fail, your car will break down, a distant unknown relative will visit or die,  you'll fall from a dimension which has ice cream into one which doesn't.

The dentist or Disneyland - this is the way of unspoken charms or curses. And there lies the power.

Always do the good here and now, the good thrives on spontaneity. Suddenly feel like chocolate, ice cream, kicking autumn leaves or going to the beach and feeling the sand between your toes? Never say that you're too tired, that you can't be bothered, you'll do it tomorrow for tomorrow will never come. Or chocolate and ice cream will be outlawed, all the trees will become perennial or the sea will evaporate. Never let the dark know that you have something to look forward to.

But... If there is something bad. A tax return, a visit to the dentist, taking your dog to the vet because of that strange possessed sound he makes at 2:13 every morning... These things are like a dropped cat with buttered toast duct taped to its back. A perpetual motion machine, always driving time forward and giving you that opportunity to have to do the thing that you really don't want to do.

Like vengeance... or justice.

Suppose you're a good person with a kind heart, who fosters cats and has a will which donates money to charity, but you or a loved one have been wronged. Betrayed so fouly that it eats at you when you should be sleeping, makes food taste like ash... You know you will never sleep well until this wrong has been righted. Until you have been avenged.

You now have a choice.

You can fulfill this destiny and reach the end of your story and time and fate will look upon you and see that you believe you only have good days before you - a life of beautiful sunsets and a content heart... And something will happen, most likely a tragic accident the moment you arrive at Orlando full of childlike joy and unaware of a dealy mosquito swarm, water contamination, or an uneven paving slab. (NB - I'm sure none of these things exist in Orlando and the tourism board would like me to convey that it is a great place to holiday).

Or...

You can spend your life awakening at night, acid bright in your guts and your soul tormented by your failure to destroy or avenge an evil which you know lurks out there. You know exactly what it has done and exactly where it is at all times and your soul will never know peace whilst you continue to do nothing about it. You are failing your destiny and every dawn is a knife in your heart that you allow this injustice to continue.

It is a half life, a life of simmering half ignored anger and self disgust. But it is life and a life which will go on and on and on as long as you put off, put off and put off doing what you really need to do. You can never die until you fulfil this terrible destiny.

It's not much of a life, but it's life. It's one way to live forever.

How do you think I grew so old?